Finding Contentment in Singleness
Singleness can be hard. Trust me, I get it. Unfortunately, I don’t have the answers to all your questions and I definitely am not an expert. But I did want to share a few things with you guys that really helped me, and I hope will encourage you as well.
A little fact about my dating history is that I was in a 4-year relationship in college and, for a long time, I believed that he was the person I was going to marry. He checked all the boxes for me: he was a leader, he was smart, caring, and he loved Jesus. But there was one thing missing, and that was peace. Peace from the Lord about our relationship and our possible future. I prayed and prayed about this situation and I just really didn’t feel like we were God’s best for each other. That breakup was of course really hard, but I knew I had to trust the Lord and be obedient to where He was calling me.
For about a year after college I went through a whole season where I was the single one and it seemed like all of my friends were getting married. I felt like I was the girl in the movie 27 Dresses, and that quote, “Always the bridesmaid, never the bride” described me perfectly. I specifically remember this one wedding I was in, while I was on my way to the rehearsal dinner, I realized I was going to be the only one at my table that wasn’t married. I called my mom because I was really struggling with this thought and needed some advice from her. I will never forget what she said to me on that phone call. She said, “Madi, you would rather be sitting at that table alone, than sitting next to the wrong husband.” So, after that I told myself I was going to stop feeling sorry for myself and being upset about singleness. Instead I was going to start embracing it and spending my time figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be. At first, I started attaching myself to and finding my identity in all the wrong things. To be honest, in that moment I was even more upset and confused than before. I took some time to pray about everything and I felt God reminding that I once knew what it like to have a really great, firm relationship with Him. I knew He was my source of hope and true joy. He was the only thing I needed and was dependent upon. So, I decided I wanted to get back to that place.
For a whole year, leading up to my experience on the bachelor, I took that time to really grow and figure out who I am and who the Lord created me to be. Don’t get me wrong, it was hard and felt really lonely at times. There were a lot of hard days and many nights where I cried myself to sleep, but I knew there was a reason for that season. I just had to trust God. “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.” Jeremiah 17:7. I was going to use that time to grow in confidence in who I am and to be firm in my convictions. During that year, I dove into God’s Word and what it says about confidence and strength. I learned that true confidence comes from God and who He says I am, and it would never really come from the trophies I won, the likes I got, or how many followers I had. Because I am a child of God, I AM ENOUGH. I don’t have to perform to be accepted by Him. Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” I read that verse and I started embracing the way God made me and started living to fulfill the purpose he had given me. I started “dating” myself. Think about it…what do you do when you date someone? You get to know them! So, I took time to really get to know myself and why God created me this way. Through that, I was able to find confidence in who God says I am and stop looking for it in a relationship or what a guy says about me.
Fast-forward to when I went on the bachelor. Because I had taken that time for myself and to grow in God-confidence, I was able to go on the show coming from a place of abundance and confidence, not from a place of lack, where I would be searching for approval from the guy or if I was going to get a rose that week. During the show, and even after, when people would ask me why I was able to stay so sure of myself and who I was, I was able to tell that that my confidence comes from and is solely based on God and all that He says I am.
If you take anything from this blog, I want it to be this: YOU ARE ENOUGH because God says you are enough!! You can find contentment in that. Where you are right now, is exactly where God has you. It’s not a mistake and God hasn’t forgotten about you! Listen, singleness is a gift! This is the only time in your life you will experience this kind of freedom and independence! Spend this time discovering who you are, go after your dreams and fulfill your purpose!
Challenges:
Write out what you are looking for! Make a list of what is important for you in a significant other (things that are reasonable and are non-negotiable to you) and stick to that list!
Do not settle! I know it’s so hard to be patient and wait for something that your heart may so deeply desire. But I promise you it will be worth it! Trust me when I say you would rather be lonely and single, than lonely and married.
Open up God’s Word. It is the only place you will find truth about who you are and confidence in who He made you.
Prayer:
Lord, thank you for another day. Thank you that you have us exactly where we are for a beautiful reason, something more than we can ever imagine. Thank you that singleness, though it can be hard, is so purposeful. I pray that myself and all other singles reading this would continue to trust you fully in this area of our lives. I pray for patience, trust and confidence. That we would walk in obedience to you and where you call us. We know that you are faithful and that you will bless us when we trust you, God. May we spend every day chasing after you, making ourselves better and working to impact the Kingdom in all that we do. When days are tough, may we turn to you for guidance and peace. When days are really good, may we bring you glory and praise! We know that all that we have is from you and we are so grateful. We love you so much. In Jesus’ name we pray! Amen!